My Heart Voice

Found this little gem at Gizmodo.com.  It is in Dubai and is touted as being the talles and most expensive fountain in the world.  Leave it to Dubai to out do everyone! They also claim to have the world’s tallest tower, but I’ll save that for another post!  Enjoy the video… it gets better and better as you watch. You might want to put it in full screen mode to get the full beauty of the fountains.

Am I being too sensitive or has saying thank you for a gift become a thing of the past? Here’s the deal, about a month ago, I gave my DIL a gift. Not just a bought off the shelf and tied up in a bow gift, but a handmade gift, made by my own painfully arthritic hands. I started making wire and beaded jewelry about six or seven months ago and since she is always difficult to buy for, decided to make her a necklace. Now I admit, I do stress over gifts quite a lot, it’s important that the person receiving a gift from me be happy with it, so I always preface it with “now if you don’t like it, let me know and I’ll give you the receipt”.. she has.. on several occasions given me back a gift that I gave her, in a nice way of course so no harm no foul.

Let me back track a bit. When I first started beading, I made her what I (and my 24 year old daughter) thought to be a very nice bracelet. It was made with black
“wedding cake” glass beads (like in this pic), with gold of various designs on them. I put silver spacers in between and was very proud of it. When my son dropped by, I gave it to him wrapped up in a pretty gold box and told him that I made it for her and could he please tell her that I love her and it’s a “just because” gift. A few weeks went by and I heard nothing from her so I emailed her asking if she had received my gift. I heard nothing for about a week and finally, when they came over to visit she said “I’m not really a bracelet kind of girl, do you think you could make me a necklace instead?” Notice that she never said anything to the effect of “gee that was really nice of you but…” even that would have been fine. I could understand the preference for a necklace though so I graciously said “Sure, I can do that!”

Her birthday was in September, so I painstakingly picked out some lovely beads (Black again because she wears alot of black). These were similar to the beads in the bracelet but with more variety in size and shape. I strung them with the pattern of one black bead and two clear crystals and it came out pretty nice. It took me a couple of hours because as stated before, my hands are not in the best shape and I had to take a few breaks. Well, I was so stressed about whether she would like it or not that I made a second necklace, this one with green and clear crystals alternated with small silver spacer balls in between. In the middle of the necklace, I put a silver connecter with 6 loops and made danglys to hang off with seed beads and various shaped larger (still delicate) beads for contrast. This one took about three hours to make and I felt a little better about. I also made her a pair of earrings with a triangle silver finding with 3 chains of seed beads and a light lavender small pearl hanging off the ends of each one (I sure do wish I had taken pictures of these). I was very proud of myself.

We had plans to get together for her birthday, but that fell through because they suddenly got other plans, so about a week later, my son dropped by (she doesn’t often come with him because she is “busy” with other things, should I take this as a hint?) and I gave him the jewelry to give to her. I was very nervous and asked him which necklace did he think more suited her, he wasn’t really sure, so I gave it all to him and told him to have her pick the one she likes best. Now, 4 weeks later, I have heard not one peep! I even emailed her after a week and still have heard nothing.

My feelings are deeply hurt and I can’t stop obsessing about it. My husband says I am being too sensitive and to just forget it, but I can’t! I agonized over these pieces and wanted them to be perfect. How hard is it to call me or email me with a simple “Thanks mom, I love them” or even ” Thanks mom, but they really are not my style”…etc… etc… I’ll tell you one thing, from now on, IF she gets anything from me again, it will be a gift card… and IF is the key word here.

I just can’t let it go. I don’t know what to do. So, do you think I am being too sensitive or am I expecting too much?? Isn’t it still common courtesy to acknowledge a gift, especially one that was so painstakingly made and so much thought went into it? If she hates them, I would like to have them back! Those beads were not cheap and my hard work is worth more than being ignored.  OK, I’m done.  I’ll just be over here feeling hurt, and obsess on it for awhile longer.

Received this “en-deering” (sorry) video in my email.  It is so cute! Apparently, these people learned how to tame the shy beast. Ready to smile?? Click the start button already!

( Don’t worry, no animals were harmed during the making of this video.)

I recently had to do a report on a medical condition for my English Comp. and Research class. I chose Tourette’s because my son has struggled with it since he was 6 years old.  I have included the interview that I did with my son as part of this post, mostly as a way of helping you, the reader better understand this disorder.  I also found this video on You Tube, no, this is NOT my son, but I thought it my also be helpful.  This young man does have the coprolalia tic, which is swearing and/or uttering racial slurs, but the majority of Tourette’s suffers do not have this tic, in fact, only 10-15% of all Tourette’s sufferers have this tic.  Watch the video and read the interview if you would like to understand this disorder a little better.

The video is about 10 minutes, but worth watching.  Remember, Tourette’s is not a joke, nor should it be used to sell tickets at the box office in slap stick movies.  I hope you take away a little understanding and empathy from this post.

The following is an interview with my son who has lived with Tourette’s all his life.  This interview will give us some insight into the disorder and how it affects those afflicted with the disorder.  Hopefully, this will dispell some myths and give the reader a better understanding of this misunderstood affliction.

INTERVIEW:

Thank you Chris for agreeing to participate in this interview.  You have lived most of your life battling Tourette’s, can you tell us a little bit about your own personal experience with it? (eg. Symptoms, problems etc)

Tourette’s is an umbrella disorder, and can encompass many different co morbid symptoms such as OCD ADHD, depression and anxiety disorders. Anxiety and OCD have been the largest challenge for me, and managing them has been very difficult. In the past, my obsessions have been so bad that they turned into irrational fears that prevented me from functioning. The most severe of these symptoms happened when I was 16. I lost 40 pounds because I was afraid to eat. It happened again when I was 24. I lost 25 pounds that time around, but I was better prepared to deal with the symptoms. I sought treatment and went on a more regimented medication plan, and I’ve been pretty stable ever since. Its been easier as I got older.

The interesting part about tics is they are 100% controllable when necessary. However, trying to control them increases my anxiety levels, and stopping them for too long can become unbearable. It’s almost like each tic is a release of anxiety/tension that gets you through until the next one. If I’m paying attention to my body, I can stop them for as long as I can focus, but the amount of energy expended can be overwhelming.

At what age were your parents first aware that you might have this type of disorder?

I believe I was around 5 years old when I started showing signs of obsessive behavior and muscular tics.

At what age were you diagnosed?

I don’t recall the diagnosis as I have received so many different diagnoses throughout the years that’s its hard to remember specifically when I was told I had a form of Tourette’s. I believe I was 8 or 9.  My mom would remember better.

What types of motor tics did you have as a child and which ones were the most troublesome for you?

Most of my tics are motor. The most troublesome then (and now) are the tics relating to the muscles in my face. I grind my teeth and flex my nose, neck and ear muscles. These were troublesome in the sense that kids in school didn’t understand why I did this and thought there was something wrong with me. Ive gotten used to it over the years and can cover it up in social situations and in public.

What type(s) of vocal tics did you display?  Was swearing one of them?

The most pronounced vocal tic I have now is clearing my throat frequently, which only occurs during times of stress and anxiety. For the most part, my vocal tics have gone away. I have never had a swearing tic. When I was a kid I used to make sounds in my throat. I believe these went away when I realized that I was doing it and it wasn’t appropriate in public situations. I never had an issue with being disruptive in school with the sounds or during any kind of public function.

What other symptoms/disorders have you struggled with due to this disorder?  (OCD?  ADHD? Etc?)

Tourette’s is considered an umbrella disorder, so I have struggled with OCD, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. There is some disagreement between if Tourette’s is its own disorder that causes the other symptoms, or if Tourette’s is a form of OCD that manifests the other symptoms as a result. OCD is almost always co morbid with tics, so its hard to tell the difference between the 2. For me, OCD has been the most prevalent, mostly in the form of obsessions, with a smaller amount of compulsions.

What types of therapy’s and/or medications have you used for the disorder?  Did you find them to be helpful?

I’ve tried a variety of treatments and medications. I took several different types of Antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds with varying results. My tics are “minor” enough that I have never taken the heavier drugs that supposedly help with the symptoms. I don’t feel that the side effects of the medications outweigh the benefits. For now, I take a low dose of Celexa to manage the OCD. It gets me to a point where I can manage my symptoms via other methods such as diet and exercise

Do you feel like you were treated differently as a child because of the Tourette’s?  If yes, please explain.

I was only treated differently by people who noticed that I had tics. I did what I could to cover them up, but sometimes they were noticed. I used to lie about the reasons why I did it and was ashamed of it. I was treated differently in the sense that I didn’t fit in due to my emotional problems, so kids thought I was weird.

Do you feel you are treated differently as an adult because of Tourette’s?

Not really, most people don’t know that I have tics when I tell them, they just think im really animated (which I am) but I try to cover up tics with other things.

Did you have your family’s support in dealing with Tourette’s as you were growing up?

My family was always 100 percent supportive of me and did an amazing job at making me feel like I wasn’t alone. They were always supportive of me during the hard times. I think they mostly felt bad that they couldn’t do more to help me.

Do you think that having Tourette’s has made you a stronger person?

I think so, yes. It’s forced me to pay more attention to my body and try to find better ways of taking care of myself. Its given me a better perspective and I have a lot more empathy for other people with these types of disorders that I don’t think I would have if I didn’t experience it myself.

Did you attend college?  If yes, what type of degree(s) have you earned?  Do you feel it was more difficult for you as a direct result of Tourette’s?

Yes. I have a Bachelors Degree in Psychology. I chose Psychology as a way to better understand myself and others who have Tourette’s and OCD. College was very difficult for me due to my inability to focus. I’m surprised I even made it through. But my obsessive ness outweighed my focus problems and I was able to finish. Its funny how that worked out. My disorder was a hindrance to achievement, but it also helped me hone my focus and get it completed.

Are you employed?  If yes, what type of work do you do and for how long?  Has Tourette’s made it difficult for you to find and keep employment?

Yes. I currently work for a hospital as a Computer Systems Administrator. I’ve been there for almost 4 years and have been working in IT for 8 years total.  Tourette’s has made it very difficult to focus and function as times, but my perseverance and good work ethic have far outweighed the negative. My employers have always been accommodating and ive rarely had any problems with the disorder directly affecting my work.

As you have grown older and out of puberty, has Tourette’s gotten easier to deal with?  How have the symptoms changed?

Puberty was definitely the hardest period of my life. Every year that passes has been better and better. I learn newer strategies for managing my disorder every day. Sometimes I have flare-ups of symptoms, particularly during stressful periods or season changes. During these times, I have to remember that I have been through worse and that if I’m patient, it will pass. My tics have been less and less severe over the years, and im getting better at managing my symptoms. One of the most important changes that I have made is that I am more upfront with myself and others about my disorder, and being aware of it and accepting of it has made me feel less isolated and alone. I still have the urge to cover it up and hide it, but the compulsion gets less and less every year

Lastly, is there anything else that you would like to share about Tourette’s, are there any myth’s or misconceptions that you would like to clear up?

One of the big misconceptions about Tourette’s is that you have to have swearing problems to have Tourette’s. This is absolutely not true. Not everyone with Tourette’s swears uncontrollable. This is only one of many manifestations a tic can take.  A “tic” can also be a recurring thought that won’t go away, a fear of something that you know is irrational, but you worry anyway. It can be a muscle flex that you cant stop yourself doing, or it can be an odd behavior that you don’t know why you do, but do anyway to feel better. Tourettes is very closely tied to OCD, and Psychologists have different theories on which disorder is dominant to the other. There is so much variability, its hard to tell what is causing what. Tourette’s is more than just neuromuscular “tics” and swearing. Like an iceburg, only some of it is visible.

Thank you for you time in this interview.

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last posted.  Hello everyone!  It’s been a busy month.. let’s see…

First I want to thank  Kat at  Candles Crafts and whatnot for an award she gave me in early August.  I have been so bad about posting lately, that I never passed it on. I just wanted to give her a great big THANKS KAT!! 

Also, I have become a BIG fan of a novel series that never in a million years would have thought I would… I read the Sci-fi/Fantasy genre but never liked vampire novels but my son gave me “Twilight” for Christmas.  I put it on a shelf and forgot about it until one night, having run out of reading material (yes, I am a reading junkie and feel lost when I have nothing to read in bed) I ran across the book.  I figured what the heck!  Well, I was hooked!  Yeah it’s a little sappy and repetitive on how “beautiful and Godlike” Edward is but, wow! It really has a hook and once it get’s into you, it’s hard to get it out!  I have read Twilight and New Moon now and am going to buy Eclipse as soon as I get a few extra dollars!  It’s a good light read, so check it out.

It’s finals in my classes next week, so I’ll be doing alot of studying this week. School (As I stauted in an earlier post, I switched to Medical Office Admin as my course of study) is going well, I am getting A’s in all my classes except (duh duh duh dum….)  Algebra… I am barely passing that one with a D, yikes!  I am really enjoying the new program, I love the medical side of it and really wish I had done it sooner in my life, MUCH sooner!

My granddaughter has started pre-school and loves it!  She gets upset on Saturdays when we have to tell her there is no school that day, too bad that won’t last long.  She is very smart for a 4 year old, her teachers say she is a model student and they wish they could clone her because she is so helpful and well behaved, hmm are they sure they’re talking about MY granddaughter??  LOL, just kidding, she is a pretty good kid in my book too.

My daughter got promoted to manager in the photo studio where she works and got assigned to a new store! I’m so proud I could burst!

My son.. well he and his wife have applied to move to New Zealand. Apparantly, they are looking for Tech workers there and are encouraging young people to move there.  They were approved and are now going through the medical process involved in getting  a work visa there and my son will be going there to see if he can find work.. NZ is sooo far away from here, but I want what’s best for him and this idea seems to make him happy.

My husband is getting all set to have gastric bypass surgery.  He has been in for his orientation, nutrition class and the ultrasound on his stomach.  He is scheduled for a follow up nutrition appointment in a few weeks, by which time he needs to have lost at least 20 pounds.  He is working hard on that.  He also has an appointment for a psychological evaluation and an endoscopy (a procedure where they put a tube down his throat and then a camera in the tube and look around at his esophagus and upper stomach area, ugh.. doesn’t sound pleasant. He will be awake for that and is a little nervous about it.  He will probably have the actual surgery sometime in December, hopefully.

Let’s see, he is still not working, the railroad keeps furloughing more and more people all the time.  Funny, but last year, they told him “just hang in there for another year Lou, things are getting better.” Hmmm well that was about 16 months ago and it doesn’t look better from my angle. If you are interested in the railroad, you can check his blog HERE.

I’ve taken up jewelry making, but I have been doing that for about 5 or 6 months, I really like it and am getting better and better.  I am getting into the wire wrapping, it is sometimes painful with having Rheumatoid Arthritis in my fingers, but not unbearable, the doctor says “motion is lotion” so at least my poor old fingers are getting workout.

Well I guess that’s about it for now.  It’s your turn!

My husband found this on the web in an online German newspaper.  If all weddings started out this way, perhaps more would last a lifetime.    I thought it was worth sharing.

For more info please visit:   Jill and Kevin’s Wedding Story

Courtesy: images.google.com

As I was growing up, I always envied the girls who were able to take dance lessons or gymnastics.  Unfortunately, my family couldn’t afford to put me into a class, let alone buy the clothing or dance shoes that were required, so that dream, along with so many others passed me by.  When my daughter was little, I wanted to get her into one of those activities, but the ballet lessons were just too expensive so I put her into a tumbling class when she was five years old.  She didn’t really enjoy it as much as I had hoped she would, and I guess I was trying to fulfill my own dream through her.

Now, my four year old granddaughter comes along, and she simply loves dancing .  Case in point; we were in a restaurant the other day and the Michael Jackson song “Thriller” came on, well… You should have seen

Courtesy: Images.google.com

her! She was so darn cute, she got up and stood in the middle of the floor, surrounded by at least a half dozen other families, and she proceeded to start dancing many of the moves from the video “Thriller”!  I was amazed. She had the moves down, from snaking her body, to tossing her head, to putting her arms forward with her wrists hanging limply down like a zombie, just like the video!  Now, I’m not saying that she looked exactly like the video, or that she is a natural and looked perfect, but as for being a four year old, she really busted a move!  At first, I was worried that she was going to be annoying to the other diners (we were at Mel’s, a very casual 60’s style diner), but to my surprise, when I looked up, all eyes were on her and many were in a sort of awe while watching her, all were smiling of lauging, even the servers and the manager had stopped to watch.  When the song was over, everyone applauded quietly, she sheepishly, turned around and took a bow!  I think we have a little extrovert on our hands, and possibly a performer.

I would love to get her into dance lessons, whether it’s ballet, contemporary or modern dance doesn’t matter, but if we can keep her self esteem going, and give her the tools to help her on her way, I’ll do it!  I was surfing the web trying to find lessons and clothing when I ran across zappos.com, they have some pretty nice dance shoes there and they are not as pricey as I thought they would be.  I think this would be a good option.

So what is your experience with little girls and dance lessons, do you think it’s a good idea?  She also shows some interest in learning karate or some sort of martial art, maybe that would be a better option.

I must apologize for the fact that it has been over a month since I last posted.  I seem to be struggling with a case of “blog writer’s block”.  So, I will just tell you what has been going on in my life.

School is going well, I am into the third week of my second semester.  I have changed my course of study from Business Administration to Medical Office Administration (MOA).  After one semester of accounting, I decided that I definitely could NOT see myself doing that for the rest of my life!  I never have been a number’s person, but, since it was recommended by my admissions counselor, I thought I’d give it a shot.  So now I am studying what I originally went to the college to inquire about and I love it!  I have always been interested in the medical side of things, I was a nursing student back in 1986, but never finished because life happened.

Hmm what else. Oh, today we are having a birthday party bar b que for my husband’s 42nd birthday at my daughter’s new apartment, sort of a combination birthday party/apartment warming I guess.  My husband, me, my son and his wife, my daughter and the “date d’jour” and my granddaughter, my ex and his girlfriend (yes, you read that right) will all be there.  Actually, it was my ex husband’s idea for us to have a birthday get together for my husband.  He and I have stayed friends for the 18 years since our divorce.  I’m glad he is still in my life because it was good for the kids as they were growing up, to see us on friendly terms and it’s good for my granddaughter now.  My current husband had a tough time with it at first, but now, after eight years of marriage, he realizes that there is nothing between us but an enduring friendship, he is still like family to me and always will be.

As for my health, I am trying desperately to get my diabetes under control, it seems like the older I get, the harder it is.  The hyperthyroidism is much better, my doctor is happy with my numbers there.  The Rheumatoid Arthritis is mostly at bay, only my left had is giving me trouble, nothing a little ibuprofen and vicodin can’t help for now.

I guess that’s it for now.  I’ll try to make a more interesting post later this week.  Hope it’s a good one for you all!  Cheers!

Well I did it! I finished my first semester of college with  a 3.3 GPA!  It’s not perfect, but I’m still proud of myself!  I have, however made a change in my course of study.  I started out as a “Business Administration with Emphasis on Accounting” major, but it didn’t take me long to realize that I DO NOT want to do accounting for the rest of my life.  Strangely enough, I did get an “A” in the class but still…..  So I’ve changed my major to “Medical Office Administration.”  This was my first choice to begin with, but my adviser was pushing me towards the Bus. Admin/Accounting because of my strong background as an Admin Assistant.  I don’t regret starting out as I did because, you never know, right?  I really like business, and will probably take another class in it as I have 2 more elective classes I can take.  Since I go to a private college (Heald), my choices are limited, but I love the school and wouldn’t change it even if I could! 

So there you have it, my progress so far.  At the age of 51, I was nervous going back to school, but now, I would encourage anyone who is considering it, no matter what your age, Go for it!  I have found that after 2 attempts, the private university is a bit more suited for an older student, but it is a personal choice.  I would say that at least 30% of the students there are over 40 so that makes me feel more comfortable than the community colleges did.  I just didn’t feel that I fit in there, but now, well, let me just say, it is a very positive experience!  The people there, from the tutors in the LRC all the way up to the president of the university are very helpful and so willing to help in any way!  Student services is awesome in many ways, they even offer advice and resources if you are having financial problems.  So as I said before, don’t let anything hold you back! Financial aid is available to anyone who qualifies, and it costs nothing to check into it!

I have many pet peeves, we all do.  For me, blowing one’s nose and spitting in public takes front and center.  Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it is a necessary bodily function, and that’s fine, but so is urinating and emptying one’s bowels, but most people don’t do that in public– at least not normal people– there is a time and place for everything and I am going to cover what is and is not acceptable and why.

Imagine for a moment that you are sitting in a  restaurant, the lights are low, soft music is playing and you are indulging in your favorite meal.  You are sitting across the table from you date (or spouse) and having soft conversation.  Just as you dip your fork into a nice chunk of juicy prime rib you hear “Aarrrrgghhh… Hock!… Honk Honk”  loudly to your right.  You look across and you see a nicely dressed gentleman (and I use the word loosely) blowing his nose into a wadded up handherchief from his pocket.  After he finishes the very noisy nose blowing, he opens the hanky and takes a look at the surprise he left inside.  Looking satisfied, he wads the hanky up and stuffs it back into his pocket.  By this time, your appetite for that once luscious looking prime rib has ebbed and you feel a bit nauseous.  Nice.. Thanks mister!  How hard would it have been for him to either walk to the restroom or outside to do this disgusting business??  Have a little consideration!  I know that sneezes happen and these cannot be helped, but the loud honking and nose blowing can be done in a different area than where people are dining.  Why do some people find this  behavior acceptable?  Also in this category is when someone covers one nostril and blows the contents of the nose out onto the ground, Yuck!!

Next scenario.  You are walking down the street, minding your own business.  There is a young man walking ahead of you and “Hhhhaaaaaallllk!”  He spits a big green slime right in the middle of the sidewalk!  Good Lord man!  Whats wrong with spitting it into the bushes??  Or in the gutter even?  Why must I be subjected to your nasty green, slimey spit in the middle of the sidewalk where I am walking?  Even if I didn’t see the guy who did it, it makes me gag!  I admit that I have a pretty strong gag reflex when it comes to spit and snot, but geez.. am I the only one who this bothers??  Why can’t these people have some consideration for others?

This next scenario is from  personal experience I had at a job.  I was busily working at my desk when a guy came into my office to ask about something on his paycheck, no I didn’t do payroll, it was done by corporate, but I did address questions and issues about paychecks when they arose.  I explained to him what the deductions were for, and he seemed satisfied with the answer and left with a smile; but not before he turned  and spat tobacco juice into the little trash can next to my desk! What the heck?!  How rude!  I just sat there, trying to ignore the stench coming from my trash can, and not being able to stand it any longer, I, being who I am, called him back into my cubicle to empty my trash can and wash it out.

The final scenario just annoys me to no end!  I was sitting in the library studying for class when a young woman came and sat down at the public computers to do some web surfing.  Almost immediately, she started this:  “Sniff, sniff”  sucking snot back into her nose.  “sniff sniff”, this became louder and more pronounced.. “sniff sniff”… “clears the throat, sniff sniff”, wipes her nose on her sleeve… after about fifteen minutes of this annoying business, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I walked over and handed her a kleenex.  She took it and wiped her nose, but it was quickly obvious that she really needed to blow her nose, because the sniffling got louder and louder.  I finally moved to a different area of the library.  Why did she not just go into the bathroom and blow her drippy, snotty nose??  My God!!  I just don’t get it.

Now I ask you, am I being unreasonable by asking for these little things?  To me, bodily juices should not be excreted in public, no matter which end of the body they come out of, well, tears are an exception, but ther are not gross and disgusting.  It is ok to wipe your nose, sneeze into a tissue or cough into your sleeve, but I should not have to  be subjected to what comes out of it!  Take it outside or to the bathroom!  Geez!

Thanks for listening.